Blowing up the thread, but I've been thinking about this girls don't really want nice guys/nice guys don't get girls thing. It's an easy thought to buy into, but the real problem is that "nice" is so vague that it's nearly meaningless. So, when a guy says he's "the nice guy" he wants your approval and whatever perks come with it. When a girl says she wants "the nice guy", she wants you to think she makes appropriate choices. If she was really looking for the type of guy she wanted you to hear about, she'd have more details.If a girl is looking for a genuinely decent man (and wanted to discuss it) she might say: "I want a man who is good with children, loves dogs, cooks and is responsible with money.". That is a man who will get women no "nice guy finishing last" about it. Now, will a man automatically have supermodels jumping on his junk because he saves money, coaches pee wee soccer and fosters pug puppies? No. But if he wants to find love, he will.
What is usually meant by the term "nice guy" is the same as "sweet guy"... a man who is deferential, who will carry your bags when you go shopping, will bond with your mother, pay for your meals when he takes you out on a date, who will ask for permission before kissing you, who complies with every shit-test you throw his way, the kind of guy who does the right thing instead of the thing he wants to do. In short, nice guys are not assertive, not dominant, and therefore are boring because you know you have them in your pocket and nothing dries up your panties more than that.
Consider the following interaction.
Nice Guy:
"You are beautiful..."
Woman:
"I bet you say that to all the girls"
Nice Guy:
"No, I actually rarely say it... you are just so beautiful I had to say it to you"
That interaction up there is called a "shit-test" it's a kind of phrase women use unconsciously to figure out if a guy is dominant enough to be worth their time. If a guy replies like the example above he loses points with her because he is conveying that he cares about what she thinks of him, on top of complimenting her he now has to convince her that he meant it. With every so interaction the girl is closer and closer to tucking him away safely in the Friendzone Chest.
This is how an assertive man handles the same situation:
Assertive Man:
"You are beautiful..."
Woman:
"I bet you say that to all the girls"
Assertive Man:
"Yeah but I usually forget their faces"
Woman:
"Are you saying you will remember mine?"
Assertive Man:
"Maybe, if you give me a reason to"
He flipped the script on her. Not only did he show that he is stronger than her because he doesn't need her approval, he is asking her to show him that she is worth remembering. This is an example of a dominant man, and something no Nice Guy does. This doesn't mean that he is a bad man, that he will go out of his way to hurt others, it just means that he is not afraid to be himself, that he calls the shots, that he is capable of
leading the woman he is with. Which is sexy to women.
An Assertive Man will do what he wants, he will not follow you around when you go shopping, he will not carry your bags, he wont spend his entire afternoon chatting about curtains with your mother, and he will probably ditch you if you don't respect him or if you act like a crazy person. Nice Guys will put up with all of the above and their girlfriends resent them for it.
Women change their approach as they age too. Young women want to bag the Assertive Man, and they even go as far as to date guys who are actually Assertive and BAD, men who just want to hook up with them. They think they can be the woman who will make them commit or settle. Many women spend their youth chasing after guys like this. But once a woman starts to age and realizes she is no longer attractive or she is running out of time to get married and have kids, she will look for a Nice Guy to settle with, a guy she can trust will never leave her. She starts looking for security instead.
Edit: oh, and the Friendzone is
very real, any honest woman will admit to it... that (if she is pretty) she has had many men in her orbit at any given moment either waiting for her to break up with her man, or trying to win her affection by being "the nice guy". And in 99% of the cases
you know what is up, you are perfectly aware that the guy likes you and you exploit it because it feels damn good to have that kind of attention and all the perks that come with it. I have done it many times. Not every woman is honest to themselves and especially to other people though so she might trick herself into believing that this is just a "terrific friendship". Make no mistake: no male friend will buy you dinner, be available to you 27/4, listen to your relationship dramas carefully, and smile like an idiot when you greet him unless he wants you.
