Dating as a camgirl

[SMuser69]

To the OP. I've dated three camgirls that I met through a site. Each one was different but still an adventure. In each case it was personality issues that were the catalyst to breakups not the cam work. You mention why you THINK he broke up with you. Did he give you a reason that you just don't want to believe?

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

A good income is much harder to come by than a relationship.

BOOM. This is some really good shit right here. I like it A LOT.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

I don't believe that love = acceptance. Acceptance in this frame instead seems to be more of a reframe.

Reframe 1: only people who accept you completely love you.
Reframe 2: I was forced into acceptance and now that has become what I associate with love.

I think this is more subjective than what love actually is but it is what some people want to believe. I just don't like that it is offered up as universal truth.

Love without acceptance is never a healthy relationship, though. I see this everyday with my mom. Because she is my mom our relationship and love is unconditional, but extremely strained. This is different than romantic dating because you can choose who you end up with. When you have the option to CHOOSE who to be in a romantic relationship with, why would you ever want to to be with someone who doesn't accept you if it's going to add stressors? It just doesn't make sense. There are plenty of people out there, I would rather choose to be with someone who can love me AND accept me over someone who can love me but doesn't accept me. The accepting relationship will be a lot happier and healthier for growth in a positive manner.

 

[Mikey_P]

Love without acceptance is never a healthy relationship, though. I see this everyday with my mom. Because she is my mom our relationship and love is unconditional, but extremely strained. This is different than romantic dating because you can choose who you end up with. When you have the option to CHOOSE who to be in a romantic relationship with, why would you ever want to to be with someone who doesn't accept you if it's going to add stressors? It just doesn't make sense. There are plenty of people out there, I would rather choose to be with someone who can love me AND accept me over someone who can love me but doesn't accept me. The accepting relationship will be a lot happier and healthier for growth in a positive manner.

I get what you are saying and we might be dealing in semantics and our own sort of subjective use of words. I know for me, acceptance means something pretty strong and I don't believe that universal acceptance should be expected in any relationship. I think that tolerance might be a better word but I can see how some ppl might not like that word. I will also argue that a relationship that involves along the path from tolerance to acceptance (depending on what is involved) might be the better growth oriented relationship where both people learn a lot. Accept me or else isn't always the best approach but sometimes necessary.

 

[heybarkeep]

BOOM. This is some really good shit right here. I like it A LOT.

I feel like a weirdo because my experiences were the exact opposite. A healthy income or quality employment were never an issue. The only problems I faced were a lack of time and sometimes motivation. Finding a great relationship was always a struggle. A few good ones, never great. Hindsight being 20/20, was probably my focus on work and lack of communication that doomed them. Live and learn I guess.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

I get what you are saying and we might be dealing in semantics and our own sort of subjective use of words. I know for me, acceptance means something pretty strong and I don't believe that universal acceptance should be expected in any relationship. I think that tolerance might be a better word but I can see how some ppl might not like that word. I will also argue that a relationship that involves along the path from tolerance to acceptance (depending on what is involved) might be the better growth oriented relationship where both people learn a lot. Accept me or else isn't always the best approach but sometimes necessary.

Ah I see what you are saying. In this context I agree.

 

[Kitcatt]

I'll be the shitbag model and say this: I won't date a guy out of my tax bracket. Sorry, its true. I'm not going to support someone with my income, which cuts out a SHIT TON of guys. So that leaves guys with professional careers and who have a "face" they need to put on for their business. That limits that some more, just by income, and then include the possibility of one of their clients finding out what I do? Big strike. Luckily I'm older, being older makes all of this much easier. Guys stop thinking "NOPE I wouldn't" and start thinking "well for HER I would". Funny how that works.

 

[jujoji]

My two cents:

I'm sometimes honest to a flaw, much as I told an ex when she asked me if I'd ever cheat, "I'd like to say I wouldn't, I'd like think I wouldn't, but until I'm offered the opportunity and tempted/put to the test we'll never know for 100% certain whether I'll say yes or no"

I'd like think that if a woman I love either was a cam-model or became a cam-model, that we could make it work. But until that happens, we'll never know for sure.

That said, I get the points many are saying; it's not just about jealousy and monogamy certainly. I'd think anyone dating a cam-model should be the ultimate cheerleader and support team for said model.
Really it should be absolutely no different being the significant other of a cam model than of the owner of some mundane small business, perhaps other than being careful whom you discuss the nature of her business with.

A couple months ago I saw a meme passing around talking about various business euphemisms that could be used for the myriad skills cam-models acquire day to day, week by week, and so forth. Things like internet sales, marketing, customer support, conflict resolutions, photo and video editing, scheduling, task management, website development, etc etc.

If I could remember where the heck it was, I'd repost it here.
The legacy/cover story for a cam model can be based on any or all of those; said significant other merely needs to learn it, love it, live it.

 

[hontom]

I like to think I wouldn't have a problem with it. I suspect the hardest thing might be if she felt she had to deny my existence to maintain an illusion of being single. I could see that as having the potential for some long term stress on a relationship. It might require some communication on both of our parts. And if I was a reg in her room there would have to be some discussion on if having me there made her uncomfortable or not. Camming is ultimately a job, and I can see why having your spouse hanging around at work might create problems. I'm pretty sure I might develop the urge to punch out trolls.

 

[Mikey_P]

Not that I have any active interest or that she does, there is one model that I can see having a successful relationship with. I like how she doesn't destroy the unwritten exclusivity clause or leave a digital trail that could lead to some annoying situations in the future. I respect her business acumen as well and see her as someone who I could partner (officially or just as a voice of reason) with in vanilla digital businesses. I respect the authentic hustle and how she out thinks the entire cam model game and frame. I like lady hustlers!

 

[Kitcatt]

I like to think I wouldn't have a problem with it. I suspect the hardest thing might be if she felt she had to deny my existence to maintain an illusion of being single. I could see that as having the potential for some long term stress on a relationship. It might require some communication on both of our parts. And if I was a reg in her room there would have to be some discussion on if having me there made her uncomfortable or not. Camming is ultimately a job, and I can see why having your spouse hanging around at work might create problems. I'm pretty sure I might develop the urge to punch out trolls.

Meh, I always tell my guys I have a boyfriend. Shockingly it makes camming easier, not harder. The whole "lets meet, plllleeeeaaase" thing is quickly squashed. Also, lots of guys love to hear sex stories about your partner. Those tend to be less than truthful, since my bf is apparently a cuck, has a GIANT BBC, is a sub, a dom, bicurious, 10 years younger/ older than me, etc etc depending of the customer

 

[Phoenix4987]

I love bad bitches that's my fuckin' problem! Erm. I mean..

Being a SW isn't a deal breaker in a potential partner for me. But then again, I was in the Marines and we're notorious for marrying strippers hahaha. For real though, it's whatever. I certainly wouldn't browse around camsites with the specific intent of finding a partner, but I'm not closed to possibilities.

I will say though, that I'd be extremely skeptical for a given time. How does she really feel? How many dudes has she said the same lines to? Maybe I'm too jaded by some past experiences, but I've always noticed actions speak louder than words.

This is more specifically about transitioning from a paying member into a relationship vs meeting someone in person who then tells me they're a sw.

 

[Albert_1]

I would yes. I have no hangups about the job and don't think the way most people do about relationships.

 

[Insert username here]

Caming effected my last bf, we dated for two years until he ended it. I think my cam job caused him to view me poorly. Fellas would you date a cam girl? Girls do you feel judged and stigmatized in the dating scene?

Let me give you the point of view from a guy who is getting married to a now ex-cam girl. When we meet she was working as a camgirl and since has stopped (due to her own choice). When I first started talking to her I was one of those guys who said "Yes, I would date a cam girl and it wouldn't bother me at all". Now, let me tell you the reality, it was hard. Very hard. The more feelings grew. The more I grew to dislike her job, but, I was open and honest with her about my feelings and we talked our way through those issues. Like someone posted on here, when you date a camgirl you had better have or learn some really good communication skills.

There are lots of guys who have the ability and maturity to date a camgirl. There are many who think they can, only to find out they can't.

I can give you tips on what helped me deal with it. 1) She was totally honest with me about everything. She answered every question I ever had. 2) She trusted me enough to talk to me about what went on throughout her work day and her feelings, good or bad. 3) She was incredibly patient with me when I would have a "moment", where I let things get to me. 4)She always let me know that I was the most important person in her life. (That really helps a LOT).

She often talks about getting back into camming, which I told her I would support her 100% if that is what she wanted to do, and while I am sure there will be "moments", I know we have the communication skills and relationship to talk them out.

I wish you luck in your dating/camming life and will finish with this. Be prepared for anything and be totally open and honest about it from the start and last, don't argue about it. If he/she can't talk to you about their thoughts on your job without arguing... then move on to the next person.

 

[Entertainer33]

Let me give you the point of view from a guy who is getting married to a now ex-cam girl. When we meet she was working as a camgirl and since has stopped (due to her own choice). When I first started talking to her I was one of those guys who said "Yes, I would date a cam girl and it wouldn't bother me at all". Now, let me tell you the reality, it was hard. Very hard. The more feelings grew. The more I grew to dislike her job, but, I was open and honest with her about my feelings and we talked our way through those issues. Like someone posted on here, when you date a camgirl you had better have or learn some really good communication skills.

There are lots of guys who have the ability and maturity to date a camgirl. There are many who think they can, only to find out they can't.

I can give you tips on what helped me deal with it. 1) She was totally honest with me about everything. She answered every question I ever had. 2) She trusted me enough to talk to me about what went on throughout her work day and her feelings, good or bad. 3) She was incredibly patient with me when I would have a "moment", where I let things get to me. 4)She always let me know that I was the most important person in her life. (That really helps a LOT).

She often talks about getting back into camming, which I told her I would support her 100% if that is what she wanted to do, and while I am sure there will be "moments", I know we have the communication skills and relationship to talk them out.

I wish you luck in your dating/camming life and will finish with this. Be prepared for anything and be totally open and honest about it from the start and last, don't argue about it. If he/she can't talk to you about their thoughts on your job without arguing... then move on to the next person.

This sounds about right. If you love and care for someone, you will be open and honest and make it work.

 

[jessie125]

I would LOVE to have a boyfriend in real life. LOVE.

I have a lot of personal issues though; that's not uncommon. Add onto that working through the stigma of being in the porn industry and it already looks very bad for me.

THEN add on how I have zero free time, like literally zero.

Camgirl life is a lot lonelier than guys think.

 

[Mikey_P]

To add to my list of concerns, the work hours probably wouldn't work for me.

 

[JoleneBrody]

To add to my list of concerns, the work hours probably wouldn't work for me.

I don't know why someone face palmed you. This is one of those very real and more realistic concerns I've mentioned before... while the average person is socializing and going to bed I'm getting ready for and working, and it's even a struggle for me to deal with often. I get cooped up, disconnected from friends and family and constantly feel like I'm having to explain why I don't hang out with people.

Now not everyone works night but it IS the most common time for american models to work, weekends as well so yeah... this makes a lot of sense. This is one of the real struggles that could eat away over time.

 

[Kitcatt]

I'll toss in my two cents since I'm a dating cam girl who is dating a former client (yep, it happens).
It's hard for dudes, and it REALLY makes sense its hard for dudes who used to come to your chat room and got special feelers there because, well, there are a thousand more guys who probably also have special feelers so what made THEM so special that you developed and interest in them? And how do they know that you DON'T have feelings for your other clients? I mean, if you have a bunch of guys willing to fork over thousands of dollars a month (some of them just to chat with you) for god sakes WHY DON'T you???
And sure you do sexy stuff on cam, but your not cumming in every show right? Or ARE you and is that worse? And why even HAVE sex when you can have sex AND get paid for it, and OMG someone is paying to see your cooter, what if a friend sees your cooter TOO???? What would those friends think if they knew dating a cam girl was happening? That he's a sucker? Maybe your just after his money? And maybe your FAKING with him? OMG you wouldn't do THAT would you? But you did it with all those other guys on cam right, OR DID YOU? (this is all the stuff I see flash across my BF's face when I talk about cam, btw)

 

[Lelo1]

I'd imagine there is a scale here. stripping > master bastion > sex > sex with other people .

Honestly what goes on at MFC is very tame on the scale. Some of these guys sound like ass holes. I would guess difference in schedule, Difference in sexual desire, work stress, difference in pay. Jealousy is a real thing. Having good boundries probable help.

 

[Violet Dawn]

I don't know why someone face palmed you. This is one of those very real and more realistic concerns I've mentioned before... while the average person is socializing and going to bed I'm getting ready for and working, and it's even a struggle for me to deal with often. I get cooped up, disconnected from friends and family and constantly feel like I'm having to explain why I don't hang out with people.

Now not everyone works night but it IS the most common time for american models to work, weekends as well so yeah... this makes a lot of sense. This is one of the real struggles that could eat away over time.

Some of the best hours I can have on cam are the only hours my boyfriend is home from his very long work schedule. It makes it very hard to balance both.

 

[Entertainer33]

To add to my list of concerns, the work hours probably wouldn't work for me.

This is very valid as a concern. Me, I currently work weird hours, so the off the wall hours of a cam model would be a bonus. Right now, I can't date a woman who works a 9-5.

 

[AudriTwo]

To add to my list of concerns, the work hours probably wouldn't work for me.

Honestly, this is my husband's and I only issue. With his school schedule and my late night working, we see each other maybe 3 or 4 hours a day during the week. But we are usually busy with house work or him doing homework. We also enjoy our alone time too. On Monday and Wednesday nights, I sleep in a separate room because he wakes up at 6 am and I'm usually going to bed at 3 am.

That's why it's important for me to take weekends off and for us to spend one full date day doing something. When you love each other, you make it work.

He has more of a social life then me. We rarely see our friends together. And he goes out with

 

[AudriTwo]

them more then I.***

 

[snowman_99]

I would date a cam girl, she's just a girl who goes to work and does a show. I don't want to ever be the topic of conversation when she's at work.

 

[Bobbie Madison]

Yes, I do feel judged and sitgmatized being in the cam industry when it comes to dating that's why I try different approaches. Some guys would be cool with it while others won't. That's with anything though, you gotta take the good with the bad. I know women who can't find a "good man" because they are successful and some men are not okay with being with a woman who makes more money than them. So you can be a 40-year-old single doctor as well. Don't think your job is the issue. It's always him, and his inner issues, never you.

What I would do though is to refrain from telling people the truth about what you do so fast (the stigma part). Most dating relationships fizzle out within the first 3 to 6 months anyway regardless of what you do. That's just how chemistry works. But don't go telling everybody within the first few dates for safety reasons - they can (and many will) demand sex, ask to pay for sex, just assume that they can send you dick pics because of what you do, ask to do a gang bang with friends, out you when rejected etc.- because they really haven't gotten to know you so to them you are "just a sex worker."

And then there's the stalkers. You don't want to get one of those because you opened up too quickly. Guard your heart and your life.

Then after that, you'll see who's for you and who's not. I used to want to tell at the first time so I get it out that way there's no secrets. But you owe him nothing before he makes a commitment to at least make an effort to get to know you. Regardless of your work, many guys are looking for a one and done anyway, even with the "good girls."

What about the receptionist or the businesswoman who has been strung along for 2 years from a guy who would never make her his gf or wife? What? He couldn't accept the many business meetings she had or the filing she had to do all day? No. The chemistry just wasn't there.

In the end. Be happy in your skin. And you'll attract who you're supposed to attract. People-Pleasers are emotionally drained and you don't want to be that girl. Anyway, there are single doctors and married strippers out there and vice versa. So what's the answer? Just be yourself because the world needs everybody to function the way it does, and whoever has a problem with it....fuck 'em.

You're beautiful, just the way you are.

 

[CatEarnshaw]

In my experience, nearly all guys I dated liked it a little too much. They had trouble separating the fantasy from the reality. I like to have days where I do the dishes, don't brush my hair, wander around in my Primark pjs. I don't want to be a sex kitten 24/7 because I am not.

I tried not telling and I got ghosted for not wanting to send a nude selfie at the end of date one. Go figure.

 

[heybarkeep]

It's always him, and his inner issues, never you.

I feel like this would be a very poor attitude to have towards making a relationship work, or self improvement in general. Unless you are only looking for the doormat or yes man type, then it would be the perfect attitude.

 

[Bobbie Madison]

I feel like this would be a very poor attitude to have towards making a relationship work, or self improvement in general. Unless you are only looking for the doormat or yes man type, then it would be the perfect attitude.

That's just one quote you pulled. You would have to read the whole thing to fully understand. Yes, a relationship takes teamwork and you both have to work together clearly...and I would never ever step all over somebody.

What I mean is that a person's deep insecurities, whether male or female, always has to do with them, never ever with you. And no person should ever have to compromise themselves if they are with an insecure person. Get someone confident, then work as a team, or just work on yourself alone.

 

[mutantdonut]

I'd like to throw a wrench in this topic in regards to timing of being a camgirl & dating. I'm not sure if this thread's overarching idea is based on the girl already in camming when dating begins, but i'm sorta assuming that's the scenario. In other words, the guy met a camgirl through a site and fell in love. But what if it's your girlfriend/fiance/wife who decides to be a camgirl after you two are together? Does it make a difference for the fellas?

To answer my own question... assuming we both have complete trust in each other, i'd encourage and support the idea of my gf/fiance/wife to explore camming if she had an interest in it. But that's just me.