Can't figure her out

[sahi]

Ok so been meaning to post this for a while now in order to get some advice on here. Cuz I'm really not sure what to do regarding this woman I know. I've talked about her a few months back on here when I mentioned that we're old friends from when we were kids & got back back in touch in recent months. She offered me this arrangement whereby in exchange for money she has sex with me as she needed money. At first I said yes but didn't go through with it in the end.

More recentley I sent her a text saying I want us to start fresh & that me lending her money & the arrangement we were going to do was unhealthy. I said that I feel it's not healthy for friends to lend each other money. I've lent her at least a few hundred & haven't had any back. But a few weeks back she asked for another 110 as her mom was going to lend it but her mom couldn't till after midnight, as her wages won't be cleared till after. And my friend needed it before midnight or her bank would fine her. So she asked if I could put the money into her account & her mom will pay me back in the morning. And so because she swore on her kids lives that this will be the last time & that her mom would put the money into my account I said ok. But the next day she said she herself put part of the money in & that got rejected by her bank because other stuff got taken out. She said her mom left in a hurry that morning & forgot to take her pinsentry with her so put the money in her daughter's account. Naturally I wasn't best pleased, but because we're friends & I was hoping some stuff might happen with her in the future I didn't want to show how pissed I was. Not long after this incident I brought up the subject of us maybe getting together for some fun, as she'd said in the past she wasn't looking for anything serious. She suggested that we go on a date & see what happens. But since then it's been complete silence from her end. I've tried texting & calling but she hasn't replied. One thing keeps niggling at me. Because my folks & her folks are old friends & me & my mom went to her dad's funeral 2/3 months ago. And a friend of my mom who also knows them said to my mom that she'd heard that she's living with one of her kid's dad who I thought she'd broken up with. Maybe my mom's friend's info was old, who knows. But I keep thinking what if my friend's been lying to me this whole time & was just interested in getting money from me.

My mom get's upset whenever she hears that I've contacted her, as she thinks that my friend has taken advantage of me & saw me as a soft touch. She says that by contacting her I show a lack of respect towards myself. But I can't help it. It'd just be so much easier to have some fun with her than someone new. I already know her from years ago & so things wouldn't be as awkward as it would with someone new. And the other thing is, and please don't think I'm shallow, she doesn't like condoms & has a coil so that's another thing that makes me really want this. Guys please back me up on this. If you had a chance to sleep with someone you know without a condom then it wouldn't be an easy thing to pass up on.

So there you have it. As the title says, I just can't figure her out. One minute she says she's up for going on a date & then the next, total silence. Not the first time a woman's fucked with my head, lol.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

Dude.

Shes fucking with you. Let the fantasy go and hire an escort that looks like her for an hour. I bet she'll even roleplay.

 

[Mila_]

She’s trash, you are trash, it’s a match made in heaven.

 

[dark_mermaid]

She’s trash, you are trash, it’s a match made in heaven.

I know I shouldn't but I've been laughing hard for the last ten minutes already for this comment. It's like sooo the nail on the head.

 

[JoleneBrody]

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

 

[Sillykitty]

Guys please back me up on this. If you had a chance to sleep with someone you know without a condom then it wouldn't be an easy thing to pass up on.

This is really all it is about. This is the tl;dr.

 

[AlexaCrush]

This is really all it is about. This is the tl;dr.

Right? As soon as I read that I was like seriously? That's what this is about? Getting to bone without wrapping up your willy?

 

[SaffronBurke]

And the other thing is, and please don't think I'm shallow, she doesn't like condoms & has a coil so that's another thing that makes me really want this. Guys please back me up on this. If you had a chance to sleep with someone you know without a condom then it wouldn't be an easy thing to pass up on.

Why are dudes always forgetting that pregnancy isn't the only reason to use condoms?

Plus oh my GOD she is using you. Drop her like a bad habit and try Tinder.

 

[Mara_Jayne]

Why are dudes always forgetting that pregnancy isn't the only reason to use condoms?

Plus oh my GOD she is using you. Drop her like a bad habit and try Tinder.

My thoughts exactly. He's so excited he can put it in without a condom that I'm sure hearing "I'm clean" is good enough for him. Why have actual medical proof that no one has an STI when you get the ok to put it in unwrapped.. I mean asking might just ruin the mood.. oh wait.. the mood was already ruined from the start.

 

[paige_orion]

I mean... If you want to throw away hundreds & hundreds of dollars to get an STI by sleeping with a stranger unprotected, by all means, go ahead. Hopefully a nice round of antibiotic resistant gonorrhea will help you feel like you've got your money's worth!

Seriously, though. This whole situation is messed up. You are both using each other. Of COURSE, she's just interested in getting money from you, or she would have fucked you already. But you're not an angel either. You don't care about making her life better or getting to know her. You just want to fuck without a condom, and you're hoping you can use her need for money in order to do so.

It looks like you're both taking advantage of each other, so like... Have fun with that?

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Listen to your mom and stay away from this lady.

 

[sahi]

I mean... If you want to throw away hundreds & hundreds of dollars to get an STI by sleeping with a stranger unprotected, by all means, go ahead. Hopefully a nice round of antibiotic resistant gonorrhea will help you feel like you've got your money's worth!

Seriously, though. This whole situation is messed up. You are both using each other. Of COURSE, she's just interested in getting money from you, or she would have fucked you already. But you're not an angel either. You don't care about making her life better or getting to know her. You just want to fuck without a condom, and you're hoping you can use her need for money in order to do so.

It looks like you're both taking advantage of each other, so like... Have fun with that?

I clearly explained in my post about messeging her to say how unhealthy it was that we were going to do that arrangement or me lending her money. So if anything were to happen between us money wouldn't be a factor at all. At least not from my end. So I feel it's very unfair to say I'm using her need for money when I was the one who called an end to that arrangement & have stopped lending her money.
Also why are some people painting me out to be some kinda jerk? Just beause I want to have causual sex. With someone who I mentioned in my post told me isn't after anything serious. It's not like she's told me she's after something serious & I'm maniplulating her into my thinking of having casual sex.

 

[Sillykitty]

Also why are some people painting me out to be some kinda jerk? Just beause I want to have causual sex.

Because the whole "guys back me up blahblah no condom blahblah". Not a jerk, just careless. Casual sex is fine, just educate yourself. I got an sti at 19 due to casual sex with someone who was "clean" and I was on the pill. That shit sucked, and was luckily cured by meds. I still had casual sex after, but always protected myself. Guys who were adamant about no condom because I was on the pill were a giant red flag after that.

STIs are on the rise, and you seem obsessed with sticking your dick in condom free. With all the drama surrounding you both, the sex you might have will have nothing casual about it. Listen to your mom and find someone new.

 

[paige_orion]

I clearly explained in my post about messeging her to say how unhealthy it was that we were going to do that arrangement or me lending her money. So if anything were to happen between us money wouldn't be a factor at all. At least not from my end. So I feel it's very unfair to say I'm using her need for money when I was the one who called an end to that arrangement & have stopped lending her money.
Also why are some people painting me out to be some kinda jerk? Just beause I want to have causual sex. With someone who I mentioned in my post told me isn't after anything serious. It's not like she's told me she's after something serious & I'm maniplulating her into my thinking of having casual sex.

Yeah, you did state that you messaged her to end the arrangement of casual sex and money lending. And a few sentences later, you said you theeen let her borrow more money, and then IMMEDIATELY started asking her for casual sex again, once you had given her money. Which is what gives the feeling that you're trying to use her need for money to get booty. Which pretty much sounds like the arrangement is exactly back to what it was, in all of its unhealthiness. Perhaps it was simply written unclearly, and perhaps that additional 110 was BEFORE you ended the arrangement, but it definitely didn't sound like that. And that's where some of my personal judgement is coming from. The rest of the judgement is because of the casual sex thing, but I'll go into that later.

The thing is, she isn't interested in sleeping with you. It isn't about whether you should "pass up the chance" to sleep with her. She's gone silent. No talking. No texting. Nothing. You can't get a clearer signal than that. It's pretty obvious that she doesn't have any interest. And yeah, I would probably feel a whole lot more compassion and sympathy for you if you were coming from a place of selflessness, if all you wanted was to make her life happier. I always feel bad when selfless dudes get taken advantage of. But from the start, you're pretty much only had one thing on your mind: sex, and super duper RISKY sex at that. And she doesn't seem to have any interest. That kinda kills my sympathy. She's after money, which you were willing to give to a friend in need. You're after sex, which she clearly isn't willing to give. You can text her and call her and ask her to repay the money she borrowed (but that's not suuuuper likely to happen), but continuing to push for sex just makes it seem like you are trying to pressure her and pressure her, hoping that she'll eventually give in. If she was interested, it would have already happened.

Regardless of who is trying to take advantage of who, the whole situation is super duper crazy unhealthy. I can't see this ending well at aaaaaaalll except by you walking away and washing your hands of it completely. Not for your self-respect but for your sanity.

But, money aside... I'll admit that a LOT of my personal feelings and judgement are coming from your risky health decisions. You want unprotected sex with someone you barely know, simply because you already KNOW she doesn't like to use condoms with her other partners. This is incredibly risky behavior for BOTH of you! Keep in mind, you're trying to get opinions on a board of sex workers, men and women who take their sexual health VERY seriously. And we're also very, very aware of how uncommon it is for non-SWers to get tested regularly, let alone after every single new partner or every few weeks with casual partners.

So I wouldn't expect many of us to exactly cheer on someone who is taking such a dangerous risk with their sexual health, or their partner's sexual health, just for a single moment of pleasure. It isn't shallow. It's dangerous, it's stupid, and it's not worth it. It has nothing to do with being "serious" about your partner or not. I am all for having all of the fun with casual partners - when both people are being safe about it. And this situation doesn't sound safe. It's about caring about your health, and her health, enough to not take such a foolish risk. When I hear a non-SWer say they're just looking to have unprotected sex with a stranger, all I hear is, "I don't care if I get or give her something uncomfortable like gonorrhea or chlamydia or maybe something potentially more life-threatening like HPV or hepatitis. I just wanna fuck raw!"

Did you know that hepatitis can lead to cirrhosis of the liver and then to liver cancer? Have you ever watched someone die from that? I have. Someone I loved wanted a few moments of pleasure and they made ONE stupid, reckless decision - and along with that pleasure, they also inherited hepatitis. And it killed them and I had to watch it all. It's slow & it's ugly and it's heart-breaking in its brutality and merciless in the agony it gives, a pain that defies all attempts to define it. No one should ever have to die that way. So yeah. I do have some very intense & very, VERY personal feelings about situations like these. I am not saying that for pity-points but to tell you that the risks aren't just giggles and exaggerations. They are very, very real. So it's hard for me to feel super calm when I watch someone try to engage in such dangerous behavior, while also trying to convince an unwilling partner to engage in the risky behavior with them (because regardless of whether she prefers unprotected sex or not with other partners, she definitely doesn't seem willing or interested in engaging in any kind of play in this situation).

It's your body and it's your choice, sure. But I don't really cheer on people who think playing Russian Roulette with a pistol full of bullets is a fantastic idea, and I can't really cheer on people who think unprotected sex with strangers is a great idea either. (Unless, of course, those strangers are fellow porn-people who get tested every 2 weeks because they take their health & their partners' health seriously, but that's a different situation entirely!).

 

[Mila_]

“She lied to me about living with her kids dad! Outrageous!” “She only wants money from me wah wah”

All you want from her is a warm hole to put your dick in. And you even admit the reason you want her is because she won’t make you go through awkward introductions and she has a “coil” so you assume she will let you slip it in without a condom.

You also omit this information from your mother who knows her parents and she is under the impression that you are a white knight who’s being taken advantage of. Meanwhile you are upset her kid is living with his own father which is something to be happy about just because it hurts your chances of wetting Willy. It’s sociopathic

Go hire an escort if you want sex. Leave people who don’t like you alone.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

My mom get's upset whenever she hears that I've contacted her, as she thinks that my friend has taken advantage of me & saw me as a soft touch. She says that by contacting her I show a lack of respect towards myself. But I can't help it. It'd just be so much easier to have some fun with her than someone new. I already know her from years ago & so things wouldn't be as awkward as it would with someone new. And the other thing is, and please don't think I'm shallow, she doesn't like condoms & has a coil so that's another thing that makes me really want this. Guys please back me up on this. If you had a chance to sleep with someone you know without a condom then it wouldn't be an easy thing to pass up on.

Let me put this into perspective:

After all she's done, taking money and not give anything in return, you'd trust her when she says she's clean (no STD's) and using a birth control device? If she were to even follow through on it?

Nope, not going to back you on this by any means. She's fucking with you, and you're too fucking stupid to know any better so you keep pursuing it. You're poon-whipped, and you haven't even had a sampling yet.


I will say that I don't like condoms. But, I'm very strict when it comes to sex and health and will gladly wear one until whomever I'm with and I are comfortable enough with each other to go without. No unprotected sex until I know the person very well, and trust that they're not lying about who they're with or not have any STD's or diseases that can get passed along. I'm one who would prefer a test result from them, and I'd gladly provide not only a test result for STD but also one to prove that I'm sterile (had a vasectomy years ago). When I hear about people taking huge gambles with their health, and unprotected sex with someone they don't know or know well enough, I cringe. Not only because of the potential risk to personal health from STD's. But, it also introduces significant changes for unwanted pregnancies. A lot of lifelong repercussions simply because of not wanting to take a few seconds and wrapping up or even abstaining because it isn't right.

 

[SaffronBurke]

I clearly explained in my post about messeging her to say how unhealthy it was that we were going to do that arrangement or me lending her money. So if anything were to happen between us money wouldn't be a factor at all. At least not from my end. So I feel it's very unfair to say I'm using her need for money when I was the one who called an end to that arrangement & have stopped lending her money.
Also why are some people painting me out to be some kinda jerk? Just beause I want to have causual sex. With someone who I mentioned in my post told me isn't after anything serious. It's not like she's told me she's after something serious & I'm maniplulating her into my thinking of having casual sex.

There's nothing wrong with casual sex, but Jesus Fucking Christ, use a condom. Also, like I already said - Tinder. This whole situation is bad and you should avoid this girl completely, so if you just want some fuck, use one of the many sites and apps designed for that purpose. Or, hell, take all the money you keep giving this chick and hire an escort, that way you can cut straight to the chase (you're still gonna have to wear a condom, though)

 

[AudriTwo]

We haven't had OP is a shithead in awhile. This was great.10/10

OP, wear a fucking condom. There is a strain of gonorrhea that is immune to antibiotics. Where a fucking condom. Not to mention HPV which is cancer causing. There is zero vaccination for men. More of a reason to where a fucking condom.

And no dude bros here are gonna high five you for that. Please practice safe sex with people you aren't in a committed relationship with.

 

[Emberblaze]

*Blinks*

Oh my dear god...

 

[AudriTwo]

Just beause I want to have causual sex.

If you wanted casual sex from her, and she wanted it as well or wanted in exchange for money fine without pressure, you would of already had it by now. Instead she said no, and she has stopped talking to you.

If you want casual sex, maybe its time to put effort into meeting other women. Think about it. All this stress, drama, lending $110, subsection of the internet thinking you are a selfish asshole, is it worth it? Think about it really. To have sex without a condom? The answer is no, it's not. Because that isn't what you have to do to have casual sex with a consenting and willing participating partner. And at this point, she is past from being a willing partner.

Yes you still have to put effort into meeting other women, like socially, appearance, and likability. I'm sure if you got that route, you will have a fulfilling experience then the path you are currently on. Because dear god, if your mother is telling you to stay away, you should listen. If you are having issues, maybe look into life coaching/counselors. None of that PUA shit.

And for the love of God man, wear a fucking condom. PLEASE.
www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/condom/what-are-the-benefits-of-condoms

 

[sahi]

Ok so I need to make some things clear. The first being that people keep saying I’m prepared to do something risky & have unprotected sex with a stranger or someone I barely know. As I explained in my original post we’ve known each other since we were kids. On & off for over 25 years. So this is someone I feel I can trust. And she can trust me as well. As I’ve only ever slept with three women & have used a condom with all. As for suggesting to her that we meet up without any money being involved on the same day or around the same time I last lent her money. This may look like the situation still involves money but that wasn’t my intention at all. Like I said to her I want to start fresh start without any money being involved. And finally regarding putting pressure on her or taking advantage of her. I really hope she doesn’t feel any of these things, because this is the last thing I’d want. But I accept that inadvertently she may feel like this & so I’ve decided not to contact her & wait to see if she does so herself.

 

[paige_orion]

Ok so I need to make some things clear. The first being that people keep saying I’m prepared to do something risky & have unprotected sex with a stranger or someone I barely know. As I explained in my original post we’ve known each other since we were kids. On & off for over 25 years. So this is someone I feel I can trust. And she can trust me as well. As I’ve only ever slept with three women & have used a condom with all.

People always trust their partners though. That's why STIs get spready so rapidly. Because no one ever thinks THEY could have something, so when their partner asks, they go, "Of COURSE, I'm clean!" (ugh, I HAAATE that phrase), even though there are several potentially dangerous infections that are completely asymptomatic. And the partner believes them, because why wouldn't they? And that's why STIs are becoming more common every day. It isn't because people KNOW they have an infection and are spreading it on purpose. It's because they don't get tested regularly and they remain ignorant of their actual status. It's because they trust simple words, because why wouldn't they? And that's why it is dangerous. You can't trust words. You can only trust proof, which involves testing.

You may have known her since she was a kid, but you still know she has engaged in risky sex. But even if she always wrapped up, it's still risky to engage in unprotected sex with someone you aren't monogamous with, especially if you are simply trusting words alone. That is so, so, so risky and dangerous. You don't know all of her partners, you don't know any of their circumstances, you don't know who THOSE partners have slept with. You may trust her, but do you trust the other partners who all insisted they were free from infections? Like... HPV for example. There are a lot of strains, but the most dangerous kind doesn't show symptoms. And most dudes... They're silent carriers. But they fuck a woman without protection, the woman gets it, and that strain can morph into cancer. She can pay the price with her life. If you seriously care about this woman on ANY level, or any future woman you hope to sleep with, you wouldn't risk their health or their life because you want to fuck unprotected. It's pure selfishness in every single way, and it could lead to your own death or the death of another woman. I'm not trying to over-exaggerate. Again, my own personal experience shows me just how serious and just how costly such risky behavior can be.

When is the last time you were tested? Have you ever been tested? Even with a condom, you can still contract STIs. Do you know your status? Do you know HER status? If you are insistent on having unprotected sex, I urge you to at least TRY to minimize the risk, and have both you and your next casual partner get tested prior to any physical play. Because it doesn't matter how long you've known someone, until you see their RECENT status listed on paper with your own eyeballs, you can't trust them. Because too many people aren't even AWARE that they may be carrying an infection, until it's far too late. And how can they be honest if they don't know the truth about themselves? They're just guessing at that point, and hoping/assuming they're right. And that's a dangerous illusion to rest your health and life upon.

 

[sahi]

People always trust their partners though. That's why STIs get spready so rapidly. Because no one ever thinks THEY could have something, so when their partner asks, they go, "Of COURSE, I'm clean!" (ugh, I HAAATE that phrase), even though there are several potentially dangerous infections that are completely asymptomatic. And the partner believes them, because why wouldn't they? And that's why STIs are becoming more common every day. It isn't because people KNOW they have an infection and are spreading it on purpose. It's because they don't get tested regularly and they remain ignorant of their actual status. It's because they trust simple words, because why wouldn't they? And that's why it is dangerous. You can't trust words. You can only trust proof, which involves testing.

You may have known her since she was a kid, but you still know she has engaged in risky sex. But even if she always wrapped up, it's still risky to engage in unprotected sex with someone you aren't monogamous with, especially if you are simply trusting words alone. That is so, so, so risky and dangerous. You don't know all of her partners, you don't know any of their circumstances, you don't know who THOSE partners have slept with. You may trust her, but do you trust the other partners who all insisted they were free from infections? Like... HPV for example. There are a lot of strains, but the most dangerous kind doesn't show symptoms. And most dudes... They're silent carriers. But they fuck a woman without protection, the woman gets it, and that strain can morph into cancer. She can pay the price with her life. If you seriously care about this woman on ANY level, or any future woman you hope to sleep with, you wouldn't risk their health or their life because you want to fuck unprotected. It's pure selfishness in every single way, and it could lead to your own death or the death of another woman. I'm not trying to over-exaggerate. Again, my own personal experience shows me just how serious and just how costly such risky behavior can be.

When is the last time you were tested? Have you ever been tested? Even with a condom, you can still contract STIs. Do you know your status? Do you know HER status? If you are insistent on having unprotected sex, I urge you to at least TRY to minimize the risk, and have both you and your next casual partner get tested prior to any physical play. Because it doesn't matter how long you've known someone, until you see their RECENT status listed on paper with your own eyeballs, you can't trust them. Because too many people aren't even AWARE that they may be carrying an infection, until it's far too late. And how can they be honest if they don't know the truth about themselves? They're just guessing at that point, and hoping/assuming they're right. And that's a dangerous illusion to rest your health and life upon.

I totally get where you're coming from & if we do happen to meet up I'll definately make sure to ask if she's been tested recentley & will have one of my own just to be on the safe side. You're absouletly right. There's no point in risking it. Like you say I don't know anything about the people she's been with.

I should also explain that I suffer from Aspergers. So sometimes I find it difficult to understand social cues & to know the right thing to do in social situations. Coupled with the fact that I've not had a whole lot of experience with women, that isn't exactly the best of combinations.

And on a final note I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about you losing someone close to you to hepatitis. Thank you so much for sharing that. Because it really made me realise how risky & deadly unprotected sex can be.

 

[JigglesJane]

I like this girl's hustle. I'm rooting for her.

As far as OP is concerned, nah. Once an incel, always an incel.

 

[AudriTwo]

I should also explain that I suffer from Aspergers. So sometimes I find it difficult to understand social cues & to know the right thing to do in social situations. Coupled with the fact that I've not had a whole lot of experience with women, that isn't exactly the best of combinations.

My husband has Asperger's as well. A lot of really easy social situations for me can sometime be near impossible for him. But you can learn ways to adapt. I mentioned life coach or councilor. But they will help you look at things with a different perspective other than your own, teach you valuable social skills.

You need to stop focusing on this girl. I know it's hard, but it doesn't look like it's gonna happen, and I don't think it's a good situation for either of you. If you want to find someone to have sex with, there are easier less complicated ways.

 

[JoleneBrody]

Everyone in my family has known my uncle his entire life, he is currently dying in an AIDS hospice ward as of 2 weeks ago and NO ONE knew he was HIV positive, including his parents who he was living with and god knows how many people he has slept with. DONT BE FUCKING STUPID

 

[Mila_]

I don’t know man.. there is a difference between having aspergers, a lack of tact... and being so self centered and unaware you wish a kid would grow up without his father so you can bone some girl without a condom. You can’t excuse being trash with having aspergers

 

[Emberblaze]

WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM. THERE IS NO EXCUSE NOT TO. Unless your dick is magically so big that magnum xl's don't fit in which case YOU CAN STILL USE THE FC2 female condom. No excuse. None. My bf's dick BARELY fits in a magnum xl and he's still ok with using them.

You can know someone your entire life and get an STI from them. You can be MARRIED TO SOMEONE for 40 years and still get an STI.

WRAP YOUR DICK UP

 

[AudriTwo]

I don’t know man.. there is a difference between having aspergers, a lack of tact... and being so self centered and unaware you wish a kid would grow up without his father so you can bone some girl without a condom. You can’t excuse being trash with having aspergers

Oh of course. Asperger's never excuses asshole selfish behavior. That's for sure.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I don’t know man.. there is a difference between having aspergers, a lack of tact... and being so self centered and unaware you wish a kid would grow up without his father so you can bone some girl without a condom. You can’t excuse being trash with having aspergers

Oh of course. Asperger's never excuses asshole selfish behavior. That's for sure.

Way too many people trying to make excuses for bad behaviour. Then, when you call them on their shit, they get pissed and others jump all over you saying you're mean, disrespectful and inconciderate/intolerant of the person's disease/limitation/condition.