Yes, same. I was a rising star in another field, with multiple degrees behind me. Then I became ill, and could no longer support myself in my chosen field. Or any of the many others I tried that were easier. All quickly burned me out and I ended up bedridden again. But, my sex drive didn't lessen, and I had little to do all day but think about sex (and the sex I was frustratingly too ill to pursue with an actual person in real life)... enter cam work.
My prognosis is unclear. Many people die of this, some linger for decades, some live almost a full-length life although it is shitty quality. Maybe if I hang on long enough, they'll figure out a cure, or at least an actual treatment. I use my former research skills to be my own doctor now, and in the meantime the medical experiments I'm running on myself are costly and I need funds to cover all the medical bills... so I need to work as many hustles as possible. Camming is... weird. It's draining in ways I did not expect. Somehow, it's very different for me to be sexual in front of an audience, the way it isn't when I'm just by myself or with another person in my private life. I don't like having to perform like I'm a trained seal - it ruins the fun of it with all the demands, even if I ignore those demands or block annoying people. It makes me self conscious that people are watching, you know? And it gets really hard to smile and seem healthy, and pretend I'm not in a ton of pain. After hours, I feel like I can't stand it anymore. I think the customers are still satisfied, but they'll be staring at me so long they start to notice little things, like say "wow, it must really be hot there, you're sweating!" or start demanding I look in the camera when my eyes hurt too much and I'm looking away because I know they're really bloodshot by this point. They don't seem to care, and still flood me with compliments, but it kills my mood and I don't feel like being friendly because I know that my illness is starting to show, even through all the work I put in with hair and makeup and lighting and all that to hide it. I don't like being reminded that I'm sick, because I still have my own problems accepting my reality. I don't share my medical situation with people much in person really, so it's really hard for me to have total strangers witness signs of it.
So I log off. And, now I've been really sick the past 6 months and have not been on because it was all too much to hide. I am at a point where I'm planning to go back now - thought I would have been on this week but then some other things got in the way - and I'm trying to prepare myself with tricks to make it more emotionally and physically sustainable for me. The thing is,my symptoms are wide-ranging and really unpredictable, so making steady hours, or a similar show every time I'm on, is difficult. Sometimes I can get up and move a lot. Sometimes all I can do is lay there and breathe heavy. Sometimes I can use my eyes. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes I can talk a lot, or perform something, and be really entertaining. Sometimes I can't. This will appeal to customers who like a lot of variety and get bored. I also switch outfits multiple times a day, and have a huge selection of combinations to choose from, so that is in my favor, because my customers seem to like what I wear (and how I take it off, lol!). But for those who like predictability and consistency, I'm not a great choice. It has also meant that at times I am reluctant to do private shows (I'm on Chaturbate) because I am not feeling good and unsure if I can sustain a good show through the duration of whatever unpredictable situation will arise with this customer. They always ask me when I've been on for hours already, and am half-dead. I don't want to turn down money - I can't really afford to. But sometimes I think I put off a vibe like I'm too busy for privates, like I'll get really engrossed in grinding to my music or whatever so customers don't really want to stop me, lol. It's not great for business. And then if I log off and I didn't make a lot of money that day, I feel demoralized. But it's realistically the best I can do sometimes, because I am just trying not to start vomiting, or stop breathing!
I worry what this will do to my sexuality, and my personality, if I do get better. Always faking how I feel, learning to be sexual and accommodating to others even when I am medically at points that I should be in the hospital, is not great. But, you do what you have to do to survive. Like many here, what I have is rare - so much so that no one in the hospital could do anything if I did check in - unless I broke a bone or something simple they actually know how to treat. They can't make my body work. So, I just stay home and take care of myself.
The funny thing is, I know there is a niche market out there for invalid porn. There are very wealthy guys who love that white knight thing, that idea of the damsel in distress... to the point sometimes of loving when a woman needs physical mobility aids like a wheelchair, or is bedridden. Like, it's a real thing for me, and I could use it. I've met guys in real life who, on the worse days when I manage to go out but can't hide my illness and pretend I'm well, flock to me and offer me money, ask me on dates, etc. It is so extremely creepy and awful, that I just don't want to use that. Because this is real, not an act, not a fetish for me. This is my life. And I'm trying hard not to die. And the hard-on you get for my poor lab results makes me want to puke. I can rescue myself, thank you. 9 times out of 10 I'm way smarter than those guys anyway, so they can't rescue me for shit. I'll end up having to rescue THEM, like always. But yeah - any of you think of, or actually try, using your illness publicly for more tips? It's super wrong for people to pretend they're sick in the real world when they're not. But I'm not sure how I feel about a sex worker pretending - because we know the very nature of her job is pretending. I hate like poison when people do the whole sexy nurse thing too (or sexy teacher,for that matter) because it's so demeaning to professional women who work hard to know what they're doing... but you know, clearly it's a thing that makes erections go up. So, I don't know how I feel about the idea of cam women faking it. But when people are actually sick for real, and they use it to pay for their bills... I guess if I saw someone else do that successfully, I would be caught somewhere between fascinated and nauseated, to watch it. I don't think I could bring myself to do it. But I'm guessing if you could, you could make bank. After all, this is what rolls in the dough for sites like GoFundMe - if you could combine that sad-sack story with sexy outfits and orgasms, imagine the piles of cash!
People also love that English Patient "I will nurse you back to health"/Sleeping Beauty "my kiss will cure you" bullshit. There's more money in it because it's a long-term relationship investment that involves romance, not just a quick orgasm and log off. It's the kind of thing the dude will think about year-round, even when he's not online. How are you doing today? Are you ok? What do you need that he can make happen for you? Everybody wants to be the Messiah for somebody, and they all think they're the Second Coming/Cumming.
**BUT I caution you - the idea of increasing illness/invalid/damsel in distress porn, is what leads to REAL sick people in REAL life being accosted by tons of gross people when they are out living their lives in the world. Those fetishes are the reason I was assaulted, and followed around, by various creepy medical staff at hospitals and doctors offices when I had medical emergencies in the past. So making light of that, and like we are defenseless and sexually available 24/7, is a very dangerous idea to play with in the public sphere.
So yes - sickness and sex work is I think fairly common, going back probably thousands of years, but is also a very weird mix.
