Boner/Lady Boner killers while watching porn?

[Kunra9]

Non-camming porn I'm referring to here.

If it's a 5 minute video on youporn, or a 2 hour DVD you purchased, what are some things that can just ruin it for you?

#1 Porn video pet peeve: When the sound doesn't sync up.
I can't watch videos with sound that is even a half second off. It's very distracting. I really enjoy HEARING the porn I'm watching too. Even if the sounds are incredibly poorly faked, I need to hear it.
Boner killer.

#2. Unexpected fetish surprises.
Granted on sites like youporn, you never know quite what you're gonna get. I generally mouse over the video to see the few preview images, if it looks good I'll go for it.
Then every once in awhile.... You're watching a nice video, girl is giving a guy some great head, you're enjoying yourself, BUT THEN... guy pulls his dick out of her mouth and starts peeing all over her.
Boner killer
I understand there are plenty of people that enjoy that, but it's not my thing. And when there was no hint in the video title or preview images of urination, it can really put a damper on things. (Is that a pun? I dunno)


How about for everyone else?

 

[AprilKitt]

for me it's music. any music ever! i don't understand why they put music in porn!

 

[CharlotteLace]

Plot holes. Terrible terrible plot holes just make me bust out laughing hysterically, and I can't do anything but giggle about the ridiculousness of it. Like, really? You're going to fuck the plumber who just changed out the U-pipe in your sink? You're that grateful for the delivery guy bringing you a pizza? And you ordered a pizza without having any money? Who does that??

So yeah, I pretty much can't watch porn-porn. I'm too details-oriented.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Agreed. I tend to do sound off, and not for the fact that I'm afraid of someone hearing.

 

[paige_orion]

I have trouble watching girl/girl porn, unless it is amateur. I effing loooooove ladies, but when it comes to more professional porn, I have trouble watching girl/girl, because it feels so forced. What gets me is the sound.

I get really turned on by sound, more so than visuals - the noises and moans and gasps and sighs people make when they are genuinely in the moment and enjoying themselves and having fun. I like the passion, and I pick up reaaaaally quick when that passion is being faked. And nothing kills my lady-boner faster than that. I hear it a lot more in g/g porn than anything else.

Whether it be porn involving b/g, b/b, g/g, or group, I need it to sound real and fun!

 

[eclipse76]

Granted I don't watch much "pro" porn:

• the music: whyyyyyyyy, I just want to hear them. And I'd rather have the background noise of the streets below than shitty pop.
• the plot: I think no plot or extremely minimal one is better: two (or more) people are into each other and have sex.
• the fakeness of the actors: typical "porn" outfit like huge heels (that they keep on), "trashy" fake nails, and fake bodies: of course people do whatever they want with their bodies but oversized breasts and fake blond dye are really a turn off for me. Maybe there's a market?
• the camera angles: a close-up on someone balls is not appealing, especially for a male heterosexual public. Focusing on the lady face while in ecstasy is way more appealing to me.

I think there's a market for amateur and semi-pro porn:
Lately I have been interested in audio porn http://audibleporn.tumblr.com/, http://letmehearit.tumblr.com/ , http://privateaudio.tumblr.com/
Smaller production like fourchambers which works with some known British cam models, like Ashley Vex.
And various people on the Internet who makes their own stuff.

 

[Kradek]

Showing the dudes O face. Every. Fucking. Time.

 

[Bocefish]

Off the top of my head:

Incessant fake moaning.

Audio not synching up.

Camera focusing on guy's face/expressions/ass/balls... who flipping cares.

If the girls are obviously not into it.

 

[Rose]

Unexpected ass to mouth and nobody bats an eye. :?

 

[Brad]

I hate when they insert those stupid audio tracks during the sex scenes. Poorly dubbed moaning is even worse then fake moaning and the voices often don't even match. If given a choice I even prefer lame porn music over those bad sucking and fucking sound effects.
:roll:



So yeah, no sound for me either.

 

[Kunra9]

I agree with the guy closeups, and generally any closeup.

I prefer to see the whole scene, rather than just an extreme closeup of any area.

But yes, the shot of the dude's ass going up and down or his balls is just awful.

 

[krukstyle]

 

[Jessi]

- When the girl is moaning constantly as soon as the other person touches her
- The noises the male actors make when they cum
:lol: some guys just have really weird orgasm noises Im sorryy

 

[PunkInDrublic]

Dudes with weiner implants, shit is hilarious looking
Dudes with diseases clearly showing on genitalia
Fake boobs, fakes asses, fake lips

 

[AmberCutie]

The sounds they make. I have yet to see a porn without incredibly fake sounds and reactions. Also, I'd prefer porn without a story. Just get to fuckin'.

Pimples or rashes on genitals. I don't care what caused it, porn stars should have a pristine pussy or penis area.

Gapes. I like to imagine things being tight, not open wide enough to drop a golf ball into. The insides of our holes aren't sexy looking.

 

[SexySteph]

Hearing "ow" or "don't" and the man in the scene doesn't react at all. In amateur porn it bothers me because I'm assuming it's not written into the script. In professional it's even weirder because I can't grasp why someone would write in a woman's DISpleasure into the script.

 

[Jessi]

I once saw an anal scene where the girl was dressed as a sexy disco...thing and she had a lot of body glitter on.
Well, it got all over the dildo, which was going in an hour of her bum :?
AND THEN THE GUY SHOWED UP AND GOT GLITTER ALL OVER HIS DICK (such manly). AND THEN THERE WAS GLITTER EVERYWHERE IN PLACES THERE SHOULD NEVER BE GLITTER. I SAW GLITTERY MAN ASS.

:crybaby: I could only imagine what having large sequin glitter in your butthole feels like and I couldnt enjoy the porno.

as much.

 

[Just_mark__]

Almost everything I agree with on here

Fake anything
More than one girl seems to make it a "I'm moaning louder than you" competition

My Mrs likes to watch anything where the woman looks like she regrets it
I prefer anything where the woman looks like she genuinely enjoyed it

 

[JaneJupiter]

I have trouble watching girl/girl porn, unless it is amateur. I effing loooooove ladies, but when it comes to more professional porn, I have trouble watching girl/girl, because it feels so forced. What gets me is the sound.

I get really turned on by sound, more so than visuals - the noises and moans and gasps and sighs people make when they are genuinely in the moment and enjoying themselves and having fun. I like the passion, and I pick up reaaaaally quick when that passion is being faked. And nothing kills my lady-boner faster than that. I hear it a lot more in g/g porn than anything else.

Whether it be porn involving b/g, b/b, g/g, or group, I need it to sound real and fun!

You might already know these porn stars, but if not, you should check out Sinn Sage and Jiz Lee. Also the Sweetheart porn studio, and Beautiful Agony if you can get off watching just the upper body and hearing REAL noises of women coming.

 

[LilyMarie]

Unexpected ass to mouth and nobody bats an eye. :?

I came here to say this. -.- Ass to mouth, and ass to pussy. I don't care if the girl did 5 enemas before the shoot and didn't eat anything the past 2 days. It's still nasty. A paysite I'm subscribed to released a new shoot with my favorite actor a few days ago and I watched it and it was fine until the ATM happened. Bam, tab closed. Porn time is over. I have 0 tolerance for that shit.

As has been mentioned, super long fake nails, bad dye jobs, bad implants, heavy make-up, bad fake eyelashes. I like seeing women in porn that are attractive, but natural-looking.

Fake moans. Or moans when there realistically shouldn't be any moans.

Anything where the girl is made to look remotely underage makes me want to vomit.

MUSIC.

Oh, and the fact that there are so few good-looking guys in porn (at least that I know of), is a big lady boner killer on its own.

 

[Rose]

Unexpected ass to mouth and nobody bats an eye. :?

I came here to say this. -.- Ass to mouth, and ass to pussy. I don't care if the girl did 5 enemas before the shoot and didn't eat anything the past 2 days. It's still nasty. A paysite I'm subscribed to released a new shoot with my favorite actor a few days ago and I watched it and it was fine until the ATM happened. Bam, tab closed. Porn time is over. I have 0 tolerance for that shit.

Dear jeebus yes, please no ass to pussy. All I can think about when I see ass to pussy is BV.

 

[Jupiter551]

swordfighting :hand:

I know some guys like it, in fact some guys like it enough to make an entire hilarious thread about it while insisting they ARE NOT GAY: http://board.freeones.com/archive/index.php/t-88959.html :violence-duel:

But I just don't like it.

 

[DuoShi]

For one, I hardly ever watch boy/girl porn. Most of it, I've seen, is too rough. Every now and again, I'll find something passionate, and I'll save the link in my text file on my computer to watch again another time. With that said, I mainly like to watch girl/girl porn with a bit of story. The ones with story tend to get me going very nicely.

As far as boner killers go, aside from the pee/poop fetish crap around the net, I can't stand feet. If I see feet for more than 10 seconds, I dip out faster than Usain Bolt at the Olympics. Another boner killer is red nail polish. For some reason, I just hate it. I can deal with red lipstick just fine, but red nail polish just bothers me. I have a shorter "dip out" clock for that than the feet bit. I haven't found anyone who shares my disdain towards red nail polish yet. I'm convinced this proves I'm one strange muddafudga.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

When a person says something dumb.
A girl got naked and the guy said, in a surfer voice, "sweet slit."
I bust out laughing and could not get horny again afterwards.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

I once saw an anal scene where the girl was dressed as a sexy disco...thing and she had a lot of body glitter on.
Well, it got all over the dildo, which was going in an hour of her bum :?
AND THEN THE GUY SHOWED UP AND GOT GLITTER ALL OVER HIS DICK (such manly). AND THEN THERE WAS GLITTER EVERYWHERE IN PLACES THERE SHOULD NEVER BE GLITTER. I SAW GLITTERY MAN ASS.

:crybaby: I could only imagine what having large sequin glitter in your butthole feels like and I couldnt enjoy the porno.

as much.

A bit off topic, but once I saw a video of a guy cumming glitter. One of my clown friends LOVES glitter and injected glitter up the urethra. I had thought I'd seen everything!

 

[AprilKitt]

I once saw an anal scene where the girl was dressed as a sexy disco...thing and she had a lot of body glitter on.
Well, it got all over the dildo, which was going in an hour of her bum :?
AND THEN THE GUY SHOWED UP AND GOT GLITTER ALL OVER HIS DICK (such manly). AND THEN THERE WAS GLITTER EVERYWHERE IN PLACES THERE SHOULD NEVER BE GLITTER. I SAW GLITTERY MAN ASS.

:crybaby: I could only imagine what having large sequin glitter in your butthole feels like and I couldnt enjoy the porno.

as much.

A bit off topic, but once I saw a video of a guy cumming glitter. One of my clown friends LOVES glitter and injected glitter up the urethra. I had thought I'd seen everything!

oh my god i think i just found my new fetish

 

[Kunra9]

I once saw an anal scene where the girl was dressed as a sexy disco...thing and she had a lot of body glitter on.
Well, it got all over the dildo, which was going in an hour of her bum :?
AND THEN THE GUY SHOWED UP AND GOT GLITTER ALL OVER HIS DICK (such manly). AND THEN THERE WAS GLITTER EVERYWHERE IN PLACES THERE SHOULD NEVER BE GLITTER. I SAW GLITTERY MAN ASS.

:crybaby: I could only imagine what having large sequin glitter in your butthole feels like and I couldnt enjoy the porno.

as much.

A bit off topic, but once I saw a video of a guy cumming glitter. One of my clown friends LOVES glitter and injected glitter up the urethra. I had thought I'd seen everything!

oh my god i think i just found my new fetish

I'm kind of already terrified of clowns.

Now I can't stop picturing one on Viagra chasing me around as shiny "metallic" objects are flying out of his dick.

 

[mutantdonut]

I'm big on orgy scenes. So whenever the camera focuses on just one of the couples going at it for an extended period of time, it defeats the purpose of an orgy scene. For fuck sake, focus more on the entire orgy itself!

And i notice how some of the porn scenes have this artsy-camera-filter look to it which really bugs me.

 

[Jupiter551]

injected glitter up the urethra.

Found a new b-killer, talking about injecting things into urethra.

 

[KrabbyPatty]

Glitter up the wha.. :?

Unexpected foot sucking. Not into it at all a total turn off. Close up ds of the guys balls no one wants to see that lol. Always listen with the sound off.